Online Dating

As you know by now, I, Desperately Dating, have embarked on a journey that will hopefully lead to a new pseudo name.  In fact, recently I was asked, how I will continue this blog once I am in a committed relationship.  Committed relationships still have ups and downs and interesting topics that we can all relate to.  But in the meantime, I am still looking for someone worthwhile.  This brings me to the topic of today's blog: Online Dating.

Without revealing too much, I am a single, professional, twenty-some year old with two jobs, a house and a ton of responsibilities.  Finding time to date is no easy feat.  Plus, having had little success and enjoyment out of picking up guys at the bar, I have had to find other means of meeting guys.  So I plunged into the wonderful and increasingly popular world of online dating.  Multiple men at your fingertips, what more could a girl ask for?

Online dating has many amazing advantages, the major one being that you can find out a lot about a guy that you would not be able to in a loud bar.  For example, I ALWAYS read through a guy's profile.  Did he put time and effort into it?  In other words, is he serious about putting time and effort into meeting the right girl?  Is it full of spelling and grammatical errors?  Again, is he putting that effort in, and is he intelligent?  Does he drink and party too much?  If every picture sports him holding a drink, looking drunk or doing drugs, it may be an indication that he is not quite where I am in life.  Personally, I am also not impressed when guys put "drinking" or "beer" as their interests.  Is he good looking?  Physical attraction is an important part of any relationship.  Do we have interests in common?  Most dating sites have an area dedicated to interests.  What does he do?  Some sites even have a space for income or attempt to match you with guys with similar incomes.

Further, online dating can be a great way to meet people with limited time.  There are no peak hours, you don't have to get all dressed up and stay out until the middle of the night.  You don't have to pay cover charges, cab fares, or for drinks.  You can message people at any time of the day or night and you only need a couple of minutes for each guy.  Also, you can talk to multiple guys at once.

As with everything in life, there are disadvantages as well.  Most dating sites, especially free ones, do nothing to ensure that people are being honest and truthful about what they write in their profile.  I have had several experiences where people have posted fake or outdated pictures, or have turned out to be "between jobs".  Also, your profile must be catchy, because the guys also have many women at their finger tips and if you don't stand out, you often don't get the opportunity to make a second impression.

Any form of dating has it's up and downs.  However, if you are like me, and really looking to meet someone, I would definitely say this is worth a try!  So far I have tried three sites (for research of course!).  And here are my thoughts:

Pros: 
-E-Harmony does the work for you.  You fill out a questionnaire and based on your answers, you are matched with people in your area.  It is nice to know that you are already somewhat compatible with the people you are talking to (for example, religious values, ethics, morals, income, etc.).
-The guided communication is great because you do not have to work so hard at keeping the conversation going, they provide the questions to send back and forth.

Cons: 
-I personally, did not find that there were a lot of matches for me.  After talking to the staff, it would seem that there were not a lot of younger men in my income range (this may be because a lot of young men are just starting their careers, making little and may not yet be serious enough about dating to pay for E-Harmony). 
-It costs around $20/mth and they automatically keep renewing your account, unless you call to cancel it regardless of how long you signed up for. 
-As I said, I was not getting very many matches, and unlike other sites where you can actively look for people, with E-Harmony, you wait for your matches, so it is not very interactive if you are really motivated to meet people. 
-The guided communication takes a long time, which can lead to one or both parties loosing interest by the time you reach open communication.

Pros:
-There are tons of people on this site, and you can spend as much time as you want surfing through their various profiles to find someone for you.  This can be entertaining! 
-They also now have Instant Messaging, which can really jump start communication, it is much more instantly gratifying than waiting for someone to e-mail you back, and you aren't forced to give out your e-mail address, facebook information or cell number to have more instant communication. 
-This website is completely free, which is always good when you are trying to save money! 
-You can really limit who can message you.  For example, you can put your settings to only allow people with pictures, who are single, who are a certain age and within a certain area to message you.
-You can see when people have read your messages (and deleted them), and who has viewed your profile.

Cons: 
-People can see when you are online.
-Anyone can attempt to instant message you. 
-The pictures are often very hard to see, and there is no way to make them bigger. 
-I have yet to discover a way to block people, so when someone sends a message that turns you off, they can keep sending messages and know when you are online.

Pros: 
-Again, this site is free. 
-This site also offers instant messaging which can be great. 
-The site has a questionnaire and provides statistics on how compatible you are with every person you look at.  Further, you can see what your interests answered in the questionnaire and see what you agreed and disagreed with. 
-You can see who is online and when they were last online. 
-When you are online, you get a message indicating when someone checks out your profile. 
-Profiles have small thumbnail pictures AND a page you can go to to see the pictures blown up.

Cons: 
-People can see when you are online and when you have looked at their profiles if you are online. 
-The instant message box doesn't work properly (at least on my comp) as it moves to the beginning of the conversation every time someone writes something (very annoying). 
-Anyone can instant message you. 
-The questionnaire was extremely invasive and everyone can see your answers (you can chose to skip questions or hide your answers, but if you do, then you are not matched on that answer).  Many of the questions make sense, but they encourage users to make questions and it is unclear on whether or not they filter these questions.  For example, I was asked if I had tasted semen!  I don't know about you, but that is not something I want to share with the world.


Hopefully, this gives you some insight into the wonderful world of online dating.  Happy fishing!